youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
