i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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