How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
