haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
