Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
