let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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