i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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