if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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