if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
