He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
