can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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