omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
