He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize