That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
