so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
