Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
