I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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