Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
