what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
