I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
