paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
