I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
