Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
