You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
