whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
