direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In America we eat man semen.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
