i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
