I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
