Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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