Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
