Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
