My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize