Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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