from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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