I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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