Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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