That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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