All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
