Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
