I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
