Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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