ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
me + whiskey = a bad person
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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