Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
