Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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