Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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