you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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