new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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