trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
