My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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