Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
