no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
