Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
