yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
