stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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