You're completely useless in the revolution.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
