it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
