well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
