Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My feet surprised me
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