yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
