I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
