I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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