Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
