he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
