Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
