Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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