I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
