Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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