I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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